And it only just begun, deployment.

It has officially started, deplyoment.  I am only on day 4 of this deployment, and I can say it stinks! 

What an emotional roller coaster ride these past two weeks have been. A mere "Hello" from a stranger can erupt a flood of tears streaming down my face. There is no warning, it just happens. The week before he left I made sure to get to work early so I could get home earlier to my man, and enjoy more time with him. We had a wonderful week together and barely spoke a word about his deployment. I think we both wanted to avoid the stress and emotional aspect of it all. I am glad we did!

I took Monday and Tuesday off. I planned to relax and have some me time after he left on Tuesday, however his deployment got pushed back a day to Wednesday. I was happy we had one more day together, but I also wanted to get this dreaded goodbye over with. Tuesday night we finished his packing and cuddled on the couch with a glass of wine. Then Wednesday came to early...

The having to say goodbye to my love was tough, more than tough. I didn't want him to have a weepy girlfriend, so I held myself together before he left pretty well. Of course there was a tear here and there, but I kept it together! When we go onto base we dropped his things off, picked up his weapons and waited for the bus. It was a pretty quick goodbye. We said our "I love you," had our kiss and off to the bus he went. I didn't wait for the bus to leave since I still had to get to work, which was an hour away. 

When I left base that is when it hit me. Once I drove off base I thought, "O.M.G what the hell just happened. He left, he really is gone," and I cried the entire way to work for 45 minutes. I got a really sweet text from on the way telling me he misses me already and he loves me and is grateful to have me in his life, this only made me cry some more. I felt like my heart was ripped out and half of me was missing. Fortunately, at work I was distracted with my patients and co-workers who where all very supportive. I warned them not to hug me because I would erupt at the first touch and wanted to avoid any tears at work.

Finally arriving home after work that evening, I just let it all go. I was alone and lost and just cried. I told myself I could have a pity party until Saturday and than it was time to get busy! The rest of the evening I obsessively checked my phone, emails and FaceTime in hope to hear his voice one more time. I got a text telling me that he got to Alaska. I went to bed snuggled his sweatshirt that still smelt of him.

The following day it took everything out of me to get myself out of bed to get to work on time. I was able to be somewhat functional with the help and support of my co-workers. When I got home I took the dogs out for a play and talked to my friend across the country to distract me by talking about her new arrival on the way! It was 11pm that he FaceTime me where he made it too Kyrgyzstan and was able to get Wi-Fi in the tents. We talked for about 15 minutes before we had to hang up. It was so wonderful to see him even though it was only a day ago I last saw him, but it already seemed like forever! However I resented him slightly which I felt so guilty for. Jamie seemed and looked so happy, showing me the tent he would be in for the next 24-48 hours before they left for Afghanistan, and here I was looking depressed and pitiful. But I was grateful to see that handsome face of his!

It is now Saturday, and I have not heard from him since. I kept myself busy today since it was beautiful outside here in southern California. It was 81 degrees so I went on a hike with a friend at a lagoon near my house, Batiquitos Lagoon and had some delicious gluten free beer (Bards Beer).  The lagoon was beautiful, quiet and relaxing. She wanted me to meet her out tonight, but I think I just need some more me time before the start of another long week begins, plus I am going to my first class of yoga tomorrow morning!  

                                                 (Batiquitos Lagoon)

   

As I sit here on the couch, right now I am feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and slightly depressed. Monday I start my new job at a new facility. I already miss the support from my love to help me de-stress about the new job. I have never been one good at going through changes, but I better start getting used to them.  

Let the 7-8 month deployment countdown begin. One day closer to seeing my handsome beau again. Happy Thoughts!